Letting Go

     I recently experienced something very,very painful to me. The last few years I have been estranged from my father and all but one of my siblings. In order to build a bridge of peace between those of us estranged I try once again to reach out.
I thought that if I reached out to my aging father who is 84 that perhaps he might at least take time to meet with me.
At first he agreed to have lunch with me, and that felt very promising. But the very next day he called and there it was, once again those same strings being attached to our relationship. Again he and I had to revisit the same situation that had torn us apart, but to no avail.
How many times would he and I cross over this same pathway? We had talked about the "thing" that had ripped us apart. Over and over I went to the event that had happen, what he had done and how he had turned around 10 years after the fact changing his mind and wanting to redo -re-gift items that he had given me. 
We talked about this situation for hours, again. Going over the whole event play by play. Yet, 10 years after the fact he still wanted me to give him back the gifts he had given me.
Strangely enough I no longer had those gifts. By this point in time I had passed those items on to my two children. They now belong to my children and I would not ask for them back. It went against everything that I stood for, NO was still my answer.
I told him that he was more than welcomed to call his grandchildren up, ask them for the items. He would not.
Now, once again I am closed off from my family, my father, my two younger sisters and two of my younger brothers. This was a real heart breaker for me, again.
So, now what, I thought. Well, I'm doing the only thing that I can, I'm moving on. Pushing forward even though I know that the chances of me seeing my father before he dies is highly unlikely.
In the end all there is left for me to do is to gather up my strength and except to art of letting go. It's not what I want, but it's all I have.
I love my father and my sisters and brothers. I pray for their happiness and well being everyday, but I can not be consumed by this any more.
So, I'm letting go and moving on. I wish them wellness always, but as for me, well I'm doing just fine.
Living, loving and being happy isn't always easy, but with a lot of practice it can get easier.

Be happy people.
CJ