There's nothing new about how awful and sad families can be with each other. We live our whole lives under the assumption that family always comes first, but what exactly does that mean? For me, right now that means family can change events that happen to suit their own purposes, even if those events aren't the truth.
This rant covers one event that is a decade old and the other eight years. It is a subject that I have written about before and no matter how I try to solve the problem it just doesn't seem to go away or get better. Now, I'm just plain sick and tired of information being twisted to suit other people, family members needs. In short order, I'm pissed.
Here's how I see this situation that has torn me away from my father and my siblings, except for my older brother. In 1997 my husband and I had our home broken into and there were things that we had stolen from us. One of those items was my husband wedding band. Although I found out who was behind the thief, I had no witness to the event and no evidence to support that knowledge. I also knew why the thief occurred, but could do nothing to change of those facts.
I went to my father telling him about those events and asking him two questions that day we spoke in my parents home. The first question was when he and my mother passed away the only thing that I would like to have was his wedding band, which was exactly the same type of ring my husband had had and my paternal grandmother's bible which he had told me my whole life would be mine anyway.
According to my father it was my grandmother's wishes that I have her bible because I had been named after her and my father was her oldest child, and I was his first born daughter. Second my husband is a mechanist just like my father and so I told my dad that his ring would be a nice thing to pass on to us. I in turn would pass on the bible to my first born, our daughter and the ring would go to our son. Since my husband and I only have two children each of our children would receive one special heirloom from my family.
My mother had recently been diagnosed with breast cancer and it was such a rare type we knew that the chance of her being cure was zero. My mother was an only child and she had always wished for a large family, thus six children were born in our family. We are three boys, three girls, how cool is that for having a large family. I told my parents that I would wave any other consideration of inheritances including money for the two items I asked for and both of my parents agreed. I never thought about this conversation again until right before my mother passed away.
My father accepted an invitation to our home for dinner one Sunday after church. I thought he could use a home cooked meal and little time away from mother's failing health circumstances. That day he brought my grandmother's bible and a bible that belonged to my mother with him to my home. He and I sat at my table and he signed my mother's bible over to me. We decided together not write in my grandmother's bible because it was an antique and I didn't want to add anything to what already existed in those original pages. My father never said another word about those bibles for the next ten years.
As time moved on from my mother's passing my dad changed quickly. Two weeks after my mother passed away he took his wedding band off and announced that he didn't have to wear it anymore, he wasn't married now. Okay, he was right. He wasn't married anymore, but that only meant that he could start trying to date my parents single female friends, which he did.
We, his children were caught off guard. We hadn't expected him to move so quickly in his efforts to find another wife. He spoke often about the single brother and sister that still lived at home and how they would have to move out when he got married again. He moved quickly from one single female friend to another, always hoping that he had found his next wife.
As it worked out none of the females he tried to take up with were interested in marriage. In 2006 it was brought to my attention that the ring that dad had promised me wasn't going to be left to me, but to my niece who at this point wanted nothing to do with our family. She was single and had our last name and it was told to us that she was even trying to change her last name so as not to be associated with any of us.
At that point I spoke to my father, reminded him of his promise to me and thus he agreed that I was right. He remember that I had agreed to give up all claims to any and all property for the bible and ring. The bible I had, the ring should be mine upon his passing. Here's where again my father took charge and after being invited for dinner on a Sunday he came through my door and immediately handed me his wedding band.
I asked him several times if he might not want to wait and leave it for me till after he was gone. He assured me that he wanted the right person to get it and he was making sure that I got his ring. My husband asked him if maybe he shouldn't just leave instruction that I was to receive the ring after he had passed away. He again said he wanted me to have it, he wanted to make sure the right person got his ring. It was at this point that I thought the situation with the bible and the ring had been settled. At his passing I would receive no money or any other property in lieu of the two items I had already gotten. I was satisfied with this arrangement and thought all was well.
In 2010 my younger sister who is the executor of my parents' wills informed my daughter that the bible I had been given in 2000 was not mine to keep. The bible according to my sister was to be hers, per my mother's will. Also the ring that my father gave me was not mine, but was to go to our niece per my mother's will. Stating this fact to my daughter those items needed to be return to my father, immediately.
Are you kidding me? First of all neither of those items belonged to my mother and were not hers' to give away since she died before my father. Second of all my father gave both of those items to me and for a decade no one said a word about either one. My sister came to my house hundreds of times to visit me, or my grand daughters when they were in town. She saw the bibles every time she came to my home and yet she never mention any of this to me, not once in ten years. She also knew I had the ring and again never said a word to me until 2006 when I then reminded my dad of his promise to me. After 2006, not one word was ever spoken to me about the ring. So why all of a sudden did things change? What happen to me giving up everything that I might get just so I could have two things that I wanted more than money?
What happen was my sister had a little incident involving my grand daughter, owed my grand girl an apology and couldn't, wouldn't give it to her. That lead to a split with my daughter and son in law and took my sister ability to visit with them away. In short my sister created an event to make me a bad guy and to get even with me because I did apologize to my daughter and son in law and to my beautiful grand girl for my part in the mishaps.
So here we all are in 2014 and what do suppose has happen? Well, once again the subject of the bible and ring has come up. My father who is still alive has gone on a hell raiser with me about those items being return to him. But here's the kicker, I don't have those items anymore. I have since passed the bible on to my daughter, which is what I said I was going to do and the ring now belongs to my son. My son uses the wedding band for his own wedding band at this time. This information has been shared with my father and my children have told me to have their grandfather contact them. My dad will not do that and has no intention of speaking to either one of my children about those items.
So exactly what am I to do about this? Well, according to my sister, who by the way refuses to speak to me and hasn't spoken to me since 2010, the year of the grand- daughter incident, my mother's will can't be probated. HUM, let me see, why not? The items in my mother's will that she would have given to someone else were not hers' to give away unless my father passed away first. Okay, that didn't happen so my dad was free and clear to give me those items.
Now it's a free for all as the rest of my siblings join in the fun of smashing me, except for my older brother who doesn't want to be involved. He's the smart one if you ask me. My dad told me as late as last night that he was threw with me, that I had taken as much from him as I could and he didn't have anything else for me. I am never to contact him again and as far as he is concern I am not allowed to come to his funeral.
Well, I'll be a jackass then. How in the world can things get so upside down? My dad was the one who gave me the bibles and the ring and now it's my fault that my mom's will isn't probated. What? Funny how no one in the family is talking about the jewelry that was suppose to go to my daughter per my mother's will or the desk that my son never got that my mom left to him. No one has an answer for those missing items. HUM...... Go figure, right.
So, here we are all messed up and I'm on outs with the family. Okay, so this is my rant and I know that none of this makes any sense, but this is the nature of the Griffins, so it has been my whole life.
We are a crazy bunch of messed people, who hold grudges and spit and spew at one another for things that will never count for anything in our next life. As for me all I can do is pray for myself that I won't end up being so hateful like the rest of my family, older brother being the exception here. I pray for myself, my father and my brothers and sisters to find peace, if not with each other than within ourselves, myself included.
I hope that some how I will always remember that at the end of the day I still have a good, loving husband, and a wonderful daughter and son in law, a good son and sweet daughter in law and three beautiful, smart and awesome grand girls that are the light of my heart and soul.
While I may not have a close family of a father, brothers or sisters, God has provided me with a great family of my own. No amount of money, rings or bibles can take their place. All things considered, I'm still rocking pretty good here. From where I sit, I'm in a far much better place than the family that wants to spend time hating.
I continue to wish for peace to all concern. Love is far greater a skill than hating any day of the week and so the story goes on.
Be well and forgive the rant, now I feel much better.
Peace out.
CJ
